Boundaries... What are those?

Let's talk about boundaries. The dictionary defines a boundary as a line that marks the limits of an area. So if you equate that to your life, your boundaries are what you limit yourself to for other people or things. Think of it like this, if we are both standing in the sand and I draw a circle around myself, that's my boundary & your access to me resides outside the wall of that circle. I've heard people say that they have bubbles or are in boxes and keep others out of those said circles/boxes. That's one way to utilize boundaries. Another option is not over-extend ones self to other people or things. If you are tired, if you don't have the time, or even if you just don't want to do something, it is ok to say no!

I can admit that I myself have struggled and sometimes still struggle with healthy boundaries. Setting limits isn't always fun or easy. In some aspects, you may feel as if you are letting someone else down by specifying your boundaries. Guess what though, you aren't! You're only letting yourself down. Boundaries exist to keep you sane, to keep your balance aligned. Think about it this way, if you aren't aligned and you try to walk a straight line, you may not succeed. Boundaries exist purposefully.

There are good boundaries and bad boundaries as well, also known as healthy or unhealthy. Let's talk about some healthy and unhealthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries help you mark the limit of your area, where unhealthy ones stretch you out uncomfortably. Healthy boundaries are those boundaries that are in place that allow you to say no to others and to ensure that you are not diminishing your self. Unhealthy boundaries are those that don't allow for replenishment.

How to Notice Unhealthy Boundaries?
Here's a list of a few and you can alter the situation to how it bests fits your life.
*Do you ever feel incomplete without a relationship? (Friendship, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Work, etc.)
*Do you allow others to manipulate you or are you passive aggressive about things?
*Are you unable to state your needs or wants?
*Do you constantly feel guilty for stating your needs or wants?
*Do you put others before yourself?
*Do you not validate your own feelings?
*Are you allowing yourself to be abused or mistreated by others?

All of the above are unhealthy in so many ways. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. So how can you build healthy boundaries?

10 Ways to Build or Maintain Healthy Boundaries
1. Name your limits (Identify exactly what you need)
2. Tune into your feelings (Red Flags & Gut Intuition)
3. Be direct (Say what you feel, need, want, etc.)
4. Give yourself permission (Respect & validate yourself)
5. Practice Self-Awareness (Notice what goes on within yourself)
6. Consider the past and present (Overcoming Obstacles)
7. Make Self-Care a priority (Make yourself #1)
8. Seek Support (Self Help Groups, Therapy, Etc.)
9. Be Assertive (Not passive or aggressive)
10. Start Small (Build this skill daily, weekly, or monthly)

In the end, making the decision to have healthier boundaries is completely up to you, but realize that it is important. As I always say, no one is going to love you like you love you! Self love is the best love!